so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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