were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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