Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
