Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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