i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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