ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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