you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
