I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
