i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
