i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
