I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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