did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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