u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm having to shit out rocks
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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