glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
