totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the day after is always just damage control
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
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But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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