meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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