Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i've created a new STD.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
