Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it hurts more in the daytime
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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