ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
