actually, I'm a sock model
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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