SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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