your thong is hanging out like whoa
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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