My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
