i just wanna soil my oats bro
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
