I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
