so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
