Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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