I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
