if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
