i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
