I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
