Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
