I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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