4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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