This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
