She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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