I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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