you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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