My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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