please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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