I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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