he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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