My friends, they love my intelligence
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
