I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
