I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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