can u get pink eye on your cock?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
