I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
