Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
