Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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