so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
