Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
