nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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