I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
