Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
