It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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