Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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