If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
