So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
