glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
