Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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