I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my liver is dry heaving
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
