Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
