like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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