she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
