My nipple is on Facebook.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
