I need help removing her.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
